Thursday, February 21, 2013

Soul Mate.

Over my years, I have often read: "I don't write love poetry."  But in my case, truth.  The love I have written about has always been an idea, a fragment of how it is envisioned and played in my mind. Events and people have always inspired me, but love is a different category for me. People have inspired the page, the ink, but no one has ever inspired {the poem.}
I believe the one person that God has placed on this earth for me, will remove the {brackets} and become... My Poem.


Soul mate.
We will not meet somewhere.
We are in each other all along.
Our 2 minds, in-flexed.
A luminous ghost in my subconscious.
You often dream of me in the moon.
I think of you through these empty streets.
A love waiting in our dreams,
that is never let to fade.
You are my mirror, and I am yours.
If your presence is absent,
I never get lost looking for you.
You live in my heart.
Your fingerprints ingrained with my own.
I hide myself in your memory,
and you, in mine.
How will you know it's me?
The potency in my voice.
You will hear the sound,
and I will tell you...
You found me.






Tuesday, February 19, 2013

Love Chronicle #27 .

I want to know you.
You.
Nothing more. Nothing less.
I don't mean I want to memorize your favorite food or color,
or your GPA when you graduated college.
I don't mind to know the pages of your favorite book or the number of hours you spend
on your favorite hobby.

I want to know the silent words that are stripped away when you fail to speak.
The curve of your subtle smile.
The still look upon your face when you think.
How you indulge with words when you breathe.
The deep hidden corners in the silent spaces of your heart.
The flecks of gold and glimmers of green set in your eyes.
The archive of where your dreams are held.
How your carefully maintained fingers feel when intertwined with my own.
And the way your voice winds its way through my syncopated heartbeat.
Your songs. Your letters. The book of your heart.
Just you.




Sunday, February 10, 2013

Droplets .

The vault purging continues...

This evening I read the book of Jeremiah.
After reading verse 17:8, a picture if a woman crying came to mind... more specifically, me.
  Tears.
Precious little droplets.
"A tree planted by waters, and that spreadeth out her roots."

Being in the place I am today, I would have you believe that all of your tears are one of the things that are used to water our souls.  
Precious little droplets that give us growth, depth, and deep rootedness.
Although circumstantial and often reactions from pain, a necessity for not only growth of the tree, but of its branches. 
Branches of love that presents its fruit and flowers for others to see. Branches of hope that become more resilient against the harsh winds and storms of this sometimes difficult life. 
The same branches that you use to wrap around others to show your love and your hope, when they need it the most. Along with love and hope, you also have branches of faith. These are branches that are durable, secure, and unyielding... 
that if others should crack or break, they remain strong until you recover.
So many branches.
Each one special and unique, contributing and creating...
you.
But at the heart of this tree, is the trunk. The strength and core of the tree, the piece that holds it all together.  
Along with your unique branches there also lies a strong trunk that in some time, another person will use to lean on for help, comfort, and
support.
Tears do not weaken us. Use them for strengthening. 
Growing and flourishing!
Precious little droplets that are needed to yield your amazing fruits that you yet cannot see.
Droplets needed transform us into a strong and BEAUTIFUL tree.





Jeremiah 17:8  For s/he shall be as a tree planted by the waters, and that spreadeth out her roots by the river, and shall not see when heat cometh, but her leaf shall be green; and shall not be careful in the year of drought, neither shall cease from yielding fruit.

Friday, February 8, 2013

Less.

Handful .

At this very moment there are about 7 billion people in this world. 
Many of which are breathing, living... hurting. 
Each one worth helping. Each one worth saving. 
 100 years from now, forgotten.
Not one of us asked to be here or had anything to do with this existence, 
and thing called 
"Life."
We live in this world, hoping to make a difference, and to leave our mark on it. 
Everyone is constantly seeking meaning and purpose, 
and yet in the end, they are also, forgotten.
But, there are a few...
A handful of people that will be remembered. Those whose lives will indeed leave a mark and resonate through time. Remembered for the charity they exercised,  the suffering they relieved, the kindness spoken in their words, and the helping hands they affectionately extended.
  I am one of 7 billion, 
but choose to not be the forgotten. 
My heart is one that beats with potential, one that I want to echo long after I am gone.
Perhaps destined to be forgotten, but I choose to be the handful.
It doesn't have to be be outrageous, it just has to come from a good place and the intention of doing something... incredible.


"I expect to pass through this life once. If therefore, there be any kindness I can show, or any good thing I can do to any fellow being, let me do it now, and not defer or neglect it, as I shall not pass this way again." ~William Penn


The Listener .

I have always been told that I am a great listener. Have always been the friend that people would come to and confided in.
Always listened. Never judged.
It's often made me wonder why people, and even complete strangers chose to confide in me... ME? 
Perhaps it goes with that saying that it is easier to talk to a stranger? Fermones perhaps? Who knows. Whatever the reasoning's,  I embrace it... and sometimes can be a weight to bear because of my heart. 
My little empathetic heart. 
A heart that is often riddled with worries for others, even those that I don't have any particular emotional ties to. They're own secret cheerleader.  So full of anticipation for something go right for them, and the tides to turn for them. 
The heart-wrenched people when something did not quite pan out how they had envisioned, and oh so desperately wished for. Why am I always rushing to the aid of mere acquaintances when I really have no obligation to? When they can so easily forget me? 
And often do. 
My little empathetic heart.




Thursday, February 7, 2013

Best .

Best Friend: {noun.}
Partner. Treasure. Counter-part. Incomparable.

Feeling complete trust that no matter what is uttered, no matter what is shared, no matter how hard...
they will listen. 
They understand it. They value and guard it.
They are someone who brings you up when you are down. They are someone who supports: you, your decisions, your likes, and not only encourages you to follow them... but helps you get there.
Someone who often understands you a bit more than yourself.
They enjoy you at your best, and never fail to help you at your worst.
They are someone who intuitively knows when to ask you if you need to talk, need a glass of wine, need a hug, or simply need to cry. They help you by reaching for your hand, and end up touching your heart instead.
When you worry, they give you hope. When you are dark, they give you light. When you are weak, they make you strong.
Most importantly, a best friend is someone that you can do anything, or absolutely nothing with... and the company is more than enough.





Beauty .

The Ultimate Author.


Wednesday, February 6, 2013

Solace .

There is one moment in my day, everyday, without fail, 
that I always look forward to.

It is late at night when the stars light up my room, and the soft glow of the moon is romancing me and my mind.
And the exact moment right before,
 I drift into my slumber.

No one is bothering you.
It's a moment of pure calmness and serenity.
The moment where you begin to fade away and slip into your dream,
but it still feels...

Real.

Total solace. 
The moment where you can forget about everything.
Responsibilities.
To-do lists.
Deadlines.

And even...
Who you are.

You can escape to a paradise. Date your crush. Jump to the heavens. Save a life. Cycle through breath-taking meadows. Explore. Discover. Be in love. 
Have no consequences...

Fly, with no wings.


"Dreams are illustrations from the book of your soul."


Kiss .


A kiss is hardly ever just a kiss, it tells a story.  It takes our jumbled thoughts and weaves them into a blissful fantasy, and yet exposes so much meaning.  All coming from a place where words are not spoken, and pure raw emotion is felt. 
An emotion left for us to decode.
"I care for you."
"I'm Sorry."
"I love you."
"I want you back."
"I miss you."
"I need you."
"You are my comfort."
"You are my... everything."


Battlefield .

It has been a couple months that I have wrestled with the idea of taking 7 years of thoughts, emotions, moments, experiences, and no longer silently writing, but rather bringing them out of my vault and exposing them.  I have spent the last 2 days reliving and purging some of my favorite (and not so favorite moments.) This being one of them.  I struggled with how comfortable I felt revealing this one, and of course... gave it to God. Surpassed with a calming recognition... Something within confirmed, and said yes. I am happy and endlessly thankful that God brought me out of this dark time and am now able to share in hopes of showing someone, somewhere; that there is redemption.
There is love. There is hope. There is light.


There comes a point in your life when you come face to face with your 
"other self."
The person you attempt to be; and show to others, 
versus the person that you are; a deeply wounded, fragile shell of who you once were. 
A double life. 
One side has to give. 
One side has to win.
One problem. The fight is so buried, so far deep within.  A battle that is flooding with ignitions and explosions of emotions; a battle where painful thoughts are ammunition and tears are my protection. 
A quiet silence is my armor.
I give, I try... and I try, 
but most of the time one side waves the white flag and hopelessly surrenders to the firing squad.
Why does it result in pain? Tears. Hurt.
Why do I have to suffer?
No one has to hurt me.
But they do.
Words that cut like daggers, that send me spinning into my own mind. My own battlefield... and makes me wonder is it me? Do I cause this?
I am my own worst enemy.
A battle between of who I show... and who I really am.
A battle I come suited and armed to.
Which side wins?
Too weak to fight.
Tears are my protection.
Silence is my armor.



Chapters .

To many people, I am an unopened book. 
Chapters upon chapters, each page, a small window into my story.
I come across people everyday. Some acquaintances, some being complete strangers laying in a hospital bed as I try to help, some a mere happenstance of crossing paths in a grocery aisle  and some people that I have known for years and years.
No matter who it is, the sad fact is people rarely read past the first chapter of who you are, and build an opinion upon it. How do they know who I am by simply skimming the pages? 
And honestly, it can feel like quite a bit of pressure at times. A need to show your "highlighted paragraphs" and all your great "bookmarks." To give them a desire to look deeper into you, a want to turn the page, and proceed to Chapter 2.
But I have come to realize although many people may not know me, the right, and very few people do.
Be an open book.
Let your aura and smile be your "book cover," and your personality give you that great "best seller" sticker on the front. The right people will jump in heads first and ingrain themselves in your story. The good chapters... and the bad.


Yours, mine, {ours .}

"My story is not important because it is mine, God knows, but because if it tell it, the chances are you will recognize that in many ways,
it is also yours.
Maybe nothing is more important than that we keep track, you and I, of these stories of who we are and where we have come from and the people we have met along the way, because it is precisely these stories, in all their particularity, as I have long believed and often said, that God makes himself known to each of us most powerfully and personally."
~Frederick Buechner


Stripped .

Ever been alone? Ever been uncensored and vulnerable? Ever felt that you have been completely stripped down? Defenseless? Exposed?
Unprotected.
Although unnerving...
This moment is unveiling and it is beautiful.
When our outer facade is taken away and all that is left is your exposed core. When the fake smiles are stripped away... and your tears glimmer through. There are a very small amount of people in this world who have seen and truly experienced this side of me. But those who have... have my heart, my trust, and my faith for the rest of my life.



Wind .

Sometimes life passes by so fast, that before you think of it... an entire year has passed by.

Sometimes life passes by so fast, that it seems you can't catch up...and feel you are losing your breath.

Sometimes life passes by so fast, that you take a glance around you... and see that some of your friends have disappeared.

Sometimes life passes by so fast, that we feel we can barely hang on.

Sometimes life passes by so fast, that you never... ever want to slow down.

This is the moment. This is our life. 
Take a big breath. Take a hand. Take a LEAP!
We are created for adventure, we are created to be free.  What keeps us from jumping off and just letting the world carry us? So many choices, so many opportunities, so many... fears.
Life is a beautiful journey, even more so when we choose to live in the moment, never giving a second thought to it.

Why let it pass, why settle? I choose to blow like the wind.


Agape' .

Unconditional .


Beautify the world with love. 
A tall order? 
Not at all.

I have come to a place where I am aware or who I am and what is possible for me... 
And simply put it is being and living in compassion. Silently enjoying the present moments, and knowing that I am blessed because of them.  

Struggles and ALL.

When it was dark, I never knew when, or if I would ever see another happy day.  Not only did God turn it around... he gave me beauty from ashes.
Feeling the core of my inner-self flourishing and transforming into gratitude and love. All of it coming by matching myself, my thoughts, my demeanor with the ultimate source and being in total harmony, with Him.

This is a universe where there are no accidents. 
Things teach us, form us, show us.
Mine were to give me a heart of joy, to be LOVE and to show LOVE to others the way God does... 

Unconditionally.





Retrospect .

I remember my teenage years. Way back in... what was it? 1993 or so.
I remember the summer nights I never wanted to come home. 
The nights that turned into days, where I found myself smiling and laughing, the nights so full of life that I wish I could pause and live in forever. 

Being that carefree was one of the greatest feelings in the world. The brief moment when you thought, "I have to get home and..." was quickly overridden with a sense of freedom and haphazardness
The moment when you realized that there was nothing more important than that moment with your friends or hanging with the boy you were crushing on.

Seems like these days were just yesterday. The days I would wear big bows in my hair, roller-blade to my best friends house, practice my cartwheels, and beg my parents for "just 2 dollars!" It seems that since that time, life has quickly moved to fast forward.
Time does go by, and you wake up to realize the big bows got smaller and smaller until they disappeared altogether, all in the blink of an eye.
This aging business is tough! 

But, maybe the best part of aging is the simple remembrance of these priceless moments, and through our memories... we don't feel that fast forward button as much. 


Tuesday, February 5, 2013

Insides .

When you squeeze an orange, you'll always get orange juice to come out. What comes out is what's inside. The same logic applies to you: when someone squeezes you, puts pressure on you, or says something unflattering or critical, and out of you comes anger, hatred, bitterness, tension, depression, or anxiety, that is what's inside. 
If love and joy are what you want to give and receive, change your life by changing what's inside.
~Dr. Wayne Dyer


True Story .

One day, 
during the lowest and darkest time of my life... 
I looked in the mirror and I cried out to Jesus. 
I asked Him to save me and make me what He wanted me to be. 
From that day on,
I was saved by his merciful grace, surpassed with a peace that I had never felt in my life. I started to stand on Jesus' words and TRULY began to live. 

Lord Jesus, 
THANK YOU for showing me every blessing you have given me.
Even from my heartaches and trials. 
You have caused ALL things to work together for my good! Thank you for protecting me and seeing me through dangers, both seen and unseen. 
Thank you for giving me strength and comfort, 
and for teaching me what "having faith of a mustard seed" truly means. 

I ask you to heal my loved ones who are afflicted in any way. 
Cause me to be a blessing to them and to every person that I see. 
May I show them YOU, by treating them as you would, 
and what a privilege it is to be a witness for you. 
Thank you for your wonderful LOVE, GRACE and REDEMPTION. 

You deserve all of our praise.



Thought .


We are all leaving a legacy behind, whether we realize it or not. A good legacy is not determined by how successful we are, 
but by how influential and kind we are in the lives of others.
Our homes will fall, our cars will break, and material possessions will fade.
Why not invest our lives in things that will endure?


Inspire the soul .




Repeat after me... 


  •    I am anointed.
  •    I am blessed.
  •    I have favor everywhere I go today.
  •    I bare good fruit.
  •    I am uniquely created by God for a specific purpose.
  •    Something good is going to happen to me today, and something good is going to happen through me today.
  •    God promotes me in life.
  •    I use Jesus Christ as my role model.
  •    I am the righteousness of God through Jesus Christ my savior.
  •    God has replaced my hard heart with a soft heart FILLED with love and peace!
  •    God LOVES me. God is pleased with me.
  •    God gives me rest when I’m weary and joy when I’m sad.
  •    Even though I have trials, there is wonderful joy ahead!
  •    I use Jesus Christ as my role model.
  •    I am a blessing to other people.
  •    I do not listen to others... I listen to GOD.
  •    All of my needs are met!
  •    God lifts me out of mud, mire and the slimy pits of life.
  •    I display a new nature because I am a new person, created in God’s likeness...  holy and true!
  •    I live each day in the awareness that there is time to do everything God wants me to do.
  •    I acknowledge that God is providing everything and everyone required for me to fulfill His purposes in my life.
  •    I know Gods word, and that's what I stand on.
  •    I am a giver. It is more blessed to give than receive.
  •    God Himself is ordering my life: I enjoy blessings, not luck. My fate is not up for grabs but is secure in Christ.
  •    I recognize that every encounter is God’s providence versus mere happenstance.
  •    I extend God’s forgiveness to every offender (even if they do not yet realize their offenses.)
  •    I do not give foothold to the devil and believe nothing that tries to oppress me.
  •    I do not have the spirit of fear. Only power, love, and sound mind!
  •    I am not afraid of the faces of man, nor the anger of man. The love of Jesus is in me!
  •    I am a new creature in Christ... "Old things have passed, behold, all things are new."
  •    I am not passive, and I deal with all things in my life immediately.
  •    I never judge.
  •    Because I practice what Jesus taught, I experience God’s peace.
  •    I can trust that Jesus never changes. Never!
  •    I recognize that every obstacle, set-back, disappointment and challenge are God-ordained as training tools to prepare me for my destiny in Christ. I receive them with joy and push through with determined faith and hope.
  •    I take EVERY bad thought captive unto the obedience of Jesus Christ, casting down every imagination and every lofty thing that exhaults itself against the knowledge of God.
  •    God makes ALL things work together for my good!
  •    I have been set free!  I have no fear of rejection or being hurt.
  •    I prosper in everything I put my hand to. I have prosperity in all areas of my life... spiritually, financially, mentally, and socially.
  •    God opens my mouth and no man can shut it.
  •    I do not allow the devil to use my spirit as a garbage dump by meditating on negative things.
  •    I am dead to sin and alive unto righteousness!
  •    No weapon that is formed against me shall never prosper...  but every tongue that rises against me in judgment, I shall show to be in the wrong.
  •    Pain cannot successfully come against me because Jesus bore all my pain.
  •    I am slow to speak, quick to hear, and slow to anger.
  •    I am always a positive encouragement to others.  I edify and build up... never tear down and hurt.
  •    The law of kindness is in my tongue. Gentleness is in my touch. Mercy and compassion is in my hearing.
  •    The love of God has been shed abroad in my heart by the Holy Ghost.
  •    God’s unfailing love for me NEVER ends!
  •    I am a believer! Never a doubter! Hallelujah!!!
In Jesus name... AMEN!!  :)

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Love and light,
Mary